So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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