Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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