An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
