Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
