Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
