did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
