I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Come on in and take your pants off
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