I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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