I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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