I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize