Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
