I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
