His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
