who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
