Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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