At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
