I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize