Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
