I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
