so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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