"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My friends, they love my intelligence
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
