Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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