there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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