How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
They have beer where we have blood.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
