Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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