I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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