If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
