Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
