This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
