Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
