I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
