he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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