Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
