walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
