Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize