Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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