i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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