When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
