It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You made out with two different species that night
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
