I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
