i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
