im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
