her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
