Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize