Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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