before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
