don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
