Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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