we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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