That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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