I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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