Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
