I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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