I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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