I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can I color on your dick again?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
