Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
