Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
