Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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