I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
