I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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