He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
