my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize