i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
