another moral hangover. fuck.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
