If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize