I skipped work to stalk him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
