If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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