She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We are all done wearing pants today
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
