Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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