Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
