He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
