For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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