I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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