Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize