he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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