that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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