mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The air was thick with penises
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
