I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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