i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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