Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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