I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
