if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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