I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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