Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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