Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
