Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
