I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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