garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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