He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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