They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need a beard to bite.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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