so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Who died my cat blue again?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
