Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
