dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
